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Thursday, May 24, 2012

C-Section Pain

Here we are, over five months since Penny was born by cesarean. I last wrote about it when she was three weeks old. Back then I was still healing up. I could move, but it still hurt sometimes. I couldn't touch the scar area, it just bothered me. It didn't hurt to breathe.

Physically, I feel great. About a month ago I was getting these pinchy pains but I think that was some of the nerves coming back. The scar is all healed up and I will actually touch it, though I don't like to normally. I don't like Brandon touching it either. I can work out without any issues and I can move easily. Almost like nothing happened.

Mentally, I feel a little off still.

I understand why I had to get the c-section. If we were put in the exact same situation, we would probably go the same route. If you weren't around for that drama, here's the quick run down: Penny was breech at 39 weeks, they said we should schedule a c-section, we said no because we wanted to try and turn her, we did everything but an external version, I went into labor a week and a day later, c-section.

I'm not exactly disappointed in that because that was our plan. We tried to turn her, oh yes we did, and in the end I went into labor and that was that. There was no doctor or midwife that would deliver a breech baby and I'm sort of glad of that. The way she was positioned, with one foot down, was just dangerous. Doable, but dangerous. And she had a cord around her neck when they pulled her out (perhaps that's why she didn't turn?).

In the end, I was choosing the c-section. I had to decide at what point what I doing things for my benefit and not hers?

I'm still angry about it. I hate seeing this damn scar in the mirror and knowing that it will be there forever. Yeah, it'll fade, but it'll be there. A constant reminder of the birth that didn't go my way. I wish I could be like some women I read about who didn't care that they got a c-section because that's the way they were meant to give birth and they're grateful for their healthy baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful for Penny. Like I said, I'd do it again if I had to. But I don't want to.


I'm still an advocate for natural birth but I feel weird telling people my thoughts when in the end I went the complete opposite route. I will still tell anyone who is considering a c-section to look at other options first. I can't believe how people can choose this if they don't have to. It just boggles my mind!

I'm learning to deal with the pain. I hope to do a VBAC with the next baby but I'm nervous about it. I guess I don't have to worry about that now, though, right?

7 comments:

  1. I know exactly how you feel, except the VBAC part. My last one was transverse, presenting ear first and I had labored at home and arrived at the hospital only to push for a couple hours and not be able to get him to budge. Emergency C, no VBAC possible. I beat myself up about it for a long time. Of course I was too old to be having more babies and four was plenty for me anyway. He turned 8 this week and I can't see the scar anymore- it gets lost in the stretch marks and underneath the fat belly, LOL.

    My dearest friend had the same situation as you with the breech baby and chose a C section. That was her first child. She went on to have three more kids, all vaginally with no complications. So don't give up hope!

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  2. I can understand how you feel about wanting to give birth vaginally. Its just one of those things everyone wants to do to either prove they can do it or various other reasons. Its gotta be hard to know that, that was taken away from you. But I know that you know that Penny came out healthy and beautiful and thats gotta outweight the dissapointment of not having a vaginal birth. And your right! You can try it again and hopefully it will go the way you want to next time.
    As far as seeing your scar and hating it, you shouldnt feel that way. Its a different scar then people normally have, its another way of proving the way you gave birth. You gave birthone way or another. You did an awesome job! One day you wont look at it as "an evil scar" ;)
    When I gave birth they had to induce me, Hubs was home on R&R and I needed him to be there and I was overdue, and I ended up having a VERY fast labor. I started labor and gave birth within about 6 hours. I checked in the night before and slept with the pill, not pictoin in my cervix, and then they gave me a sleeping pill then when I woke up with contractions they gave me pain meds and then 2 hours later more pain meds and then a epideral. I was DRUGGED beyond belief and barelly remember times that things we're happing. I absolutly hate that it went down like that. Next baby I want to try more natural and not be induced again. I had back labor and it was horrible so I cant rule out an epideral again but deffinitly nothing else but that if needed! I definitly didnt like that my birth was like that.
    Evelyn had a BM in my tummy too and so right after I had her they took her away forever! She was gone at least an hour and then all the family showed up and wouldnt give her to me.
    So many things I wish I could change, I dont regret getting induced Hubs needed to be there, but definitly wish I had controlled the situation a little more.
    Hopefully we both get our births we want next time.

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  3. I'm sorry to hear you didn't have the birth experience that you wanted. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and with what you mention about how Penny was positioned and where the cord was, it may have been the best thing for you and her to have a c-section. I hope over time you'll overcome your feelings about your c-section. The way you feel about your c-section is the same of how I feel about my stretch marks. I know I have to overcome my feelings about the stretch marks I've gained when I was pregnant.

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  4. I willingly chose to have a c-section with my second baby and don't regret it at all. It was hands down 100% better than my vaginal birth, before and after delivery. I felt it was best for me based upon MY experiences. I agree that a vaginal (and natural) birth is better, so I don't sit there and try to tell women that a c-section is best because it was best for ME. That's just selfish. :)

    I hope you can come to term with your c-section as time goes on. Maybe your next baby can be born VBAC. :)

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  5. I'm sorry. That would be hard. I had a vaginal birth with both my kids but I had the epidural. I figured if there was something for the pain then there was no sense going without!

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  6. I can't say I completely understand, but I know what you mean about not having the kind of birth you wanted. I still feel like they induced me before either of us were ready. I mean, Charlotte came out 5 pounds! There was nothing to indicate that I was absolutely going to develop pre-eclampsia and my GD was very well controlled. I feel like they didn't give her enough time to grow. Being induced was ROUGH for both of us.

    I think I feel the same way about my stretch marks as you do your scar. I hate them - I hate the way they look and feel. It didn't bother me so much when I was pregnant, but now? They're weird indentions in my skin and it just really bothers me. The strange thing is they actually HURT for a few weeks after Charlotte was born. I kept asking my MIL about it, but she didn't have a clue either.

    I definitely think you should try for VBAC next time around. Doctors convince far too many women that they CAN'T give birth vaginally after they've had a c-section. Giving birth vaginally is just amazing (still can't believe my body did that!) - I hate that you had to miss out on it.

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  7. I had to come to the point where I just had to be happy I had Millie. I wanted a natural birth, but after 3287946 hours on Pitocin (well, a lot of hours), I couldn't do it. I was so disappointed with myself when I got the epidural. And I had some bad back pain for a few months afterwards because of it. But I finally had to realize it isn't the competition so many moms make you try to believe it is- the baby is the whole point! :) Anyhow, I totally understand the emotion behind it.

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