I had my first deployment nightmare. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say it would be the worst thing that could happen, and when I woke up at 5:30am (after a very fitful sleep) I just couldn't go back to sleep.
This morning, I just wanted to throw a deployment fit. It sucked because I had work all day. But adding on my nightmare, I had mean customers who almost made me cry, too little sleep, and was worried about Brandon (mostly prompted by said nightmare). I was just done.
I wanted to roll around and cry and just let it all out. I don't want to make all the decisions when I can't talk to Brandon. I don't want to live alone for a year. I don't want to watch TV alone, go to bed alone, make dinner for one person, laugh alone, read books alone, do anything we normally do alone. I don't want to see other couples being lovey-dovey when my husband is gone and we can't be sweet together until R&R at least. I don't want anyone's husbands to come home from deployment when mine just left. I'm just being jealous, but it's how I feel sometimes. I just miss him.
The time is getting to me. I see the calendar every day and think "Holy crap, I have a long way to go." I need to push that out of my mind. I was so good before, why am I not now? Is it because a year seems so daunting? Because the days seem to go by so slowly sometimes? I got married so I could have someone with me forever, not because I wanted to continue being a single lady... but I did marry someone in the military, so of course, this isn't a surprise.
After eating some lunch (low blood sugar will do a number of you), I felt a bit better. I went to the bathroom at work and looked at myself in the mirror and told myself: "This is your life now, Chantal, so suck it up. It sucks, it does, give yourself time to have a fit then pick yourself up and move on."
So that's what I did. For the most part. I had nicer customers, so that was nice. Then Brandon came on Skype and left me some messages. Here's another thing that bothers me. Brandon is moving to another FOB soon. This FOB has worse internet and is in a worse place. Ugh, I don't want that. I like the internet, I like being able to talk to him easily. AH!
My left leg is cramping, I'm tired... ugh, just whiny. I hope you all are feeling alright!
Hey, I have a blog giveaway! There aren't many comments, so get on over there and comment. It's SUPER easy to win! CLICK HERE!!